Dreaming Wide Awake
by Wildeve of the Heath
Summary: Ymir felt tired, the night before was spent watching over Krista as usual- dark circles formed under her eyes now, she looked and even felt older within just a week of living here.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Dreaming Wide Awake

Ymir felt tired, the night before was spent watching over Krista as usual- dark circles formed under her eyes now, she looked and even felt older within just a week of being living here.

A/N: Based off the song "Dreaming Wide Awake" by Poets of the Fall.

* * *

><p>A breeze flowed in from the coast, enveloping the air and sending the leaves to scatter across the ground.<p>

She raked up what she could into the pile once again, sighing that her work was nearly ruined. Scrapes here and there, the wooden bristles sounded like teeth grinding along metal. Ymir piled up the leaves once more, clearing the path from the wooden porch so that no one would slip from it. Once her work was done, she leaned against the pole of her rake and looked out to the green field.

"Ymir?"

She looked back, then dropped her rake. She rushed up the wooden stairs and went to the blond's side, hand going to her shoulder, she lowered her head and asked her,"What're you doing out of bed? Get back in, you'll have a relapse."

Krista ignored her concern and staggered forward feebly, she went to the porch's wooden railing and watched the expanse of the woods that reached out to the mountains of firs and pines.

"...it's beautiful here, I just wanted to see it some more," Krista murmured morosely, voice dry.

"Everyone gets sick sometimes, c'mon, let's get you back under the covers," Ymir sighed, she aided her back in, walking her carefully to the stairs on the right near the door. Upstairs was composed of a loft-like room where a large bed was in the center There, she laid her down and tucked her in. "Once it's done you can walk outside."

She sat by her until her eyes slowly closed.

Ymir sighed and got back up, she brought herself outside and was back to raking the leaves.

It was supposed to be a quiet home in the middle of nowhere. A way to get far from their troubling days that two golden bands on their ring fingers brought them. She thought their days would be peaceful until Krista suddenly collapsed in the middle of moving out here, Ymir had found her passed out in the garage. It was just a bad virus, or so she thought it was, but it had been a week.

A week of an endless fever, of Krista getting up at night and wandering about aimlessly, of worrying over her.

Cough medicines did no good, painkillers offered relief but no cure- she decided to get her into town and have her checked out.

She went back up the stairs and gathered her up in her arms, blanket swathed around her as she complained of the cold all too often.

Ymir went back down and loaded her into the back seat of her truck. Once safely stowed away, she backed out into the dirt road and drove into the sunset. She kept at it, driving on, a soothing station from nearby played off some sullen country song, she changed the station but found static so she changed it back with a groan. She rested her head against the window pane of her truck and steered one-handed.

The winter air was picking up, soon snow should hit and the days would be harder for Krista to recover.

All around them the trees bled into the scenery, leaving behind their tract and covering up the landscape on both sides.

Dust picked up from behind, following them for several miles until she came upon the asphalt road that led along a ridge of a mountain. Here, snow often iced the roads from what she had heard. She drove on around a bend, thinking nothing more of the vast valley a few hundred feet below of the other side. Krista always said she loved the nature here, it convinced Ymir to buy out a home for them.

Ymir felt tired, the night before was spent watching over Krista as usual- dark circles formed under her eyes now, she looked and even felt older within just a week of being living here.

"Funny you said it would be perfect being here...this'll pass, just like everything else," Ymir assured her, though it was more for herself.

She glanced back at Krista to see her paling face, the blond coughed in her sleep and mumbled.

Ymir looked back onto the road as she turned the bend.

Out of the corner of her eye, a brown mass came flying out from the treeline. A...a deer-?

Ymir immediately swerved off to the side but it was no use, the animal was hit against the grill and then flung over the hood of her truck, then her windshield.

The lack of sleep coupled with her slow reaction to straighten herself up- she crashed into the divider and no longer felt the road under her tires. Her eyes were wide open from fear, her stomach plummeted faster than her truck, Ymir screamed as the world around her darkened and became black as night.

-...-

Her eyes flung open, she gasped in air when she drew her head back from the airbag.

The crinkling sound of glass reached her ears when she moved her hands from the wheel- they were still clutching the leather. Achingly, she tested her joints, moving them and once satisfied they were in one piece, she groaned painfully.

"...ngh..."

She looked around to find that her truck had landed against some trees though at a slight angle, the front facing downward with blood splattered over the broken windshield. She undid the buckle to her seat belt and remembered why she was driving- she frantically whipped her head around to see Krista but found nothing but a bundle of blankets and no woman.

"...K...Krista?" Ymir feebly called to her.

The woman was too sick to get out of bed and wander far, let alone get herself out of a car.

She managed to fling open the car door, then she threw herself out to the ground. Her body flatly met the soft layer of fresh snow, she didn't know how long they were out there, for the sky was covered white and gray, little light came to greet her. She wandered around the wreck, trying to find evidence of anything, any direction that could lead her to Krista.

She found no footprints in the snow, nothing.

She called out,"Krista!?"

A cold gust whipped up, sweeping up the snow and throwing it into her face, blinding her for a moment, she grunted and shivered. Her long sleeves and windbreaker weren't enough for this, she could feel her fingers growing numb. She went into the truck and pulled out the blanket to wrap herself in it for the best of her protection. Without a second though, she blindly stepped out into the frost, searching, calling.

But all that echoed back to her was the endless howling of the wind between the trees.

"Krista!"


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

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><p>When looking into Krista's eyes, she could see the cerulean blue that shinned brighter than the skies. Blue, just pure blue, bluer than anything- if Ymir could, she'd call the color of those orbs "krista". They were something she could hardly describe with words themselves, every time she looked into them she loved them even more. So perfect they are.<p>

Ever since moving here, she looked up at the skies only when they were of red hues or purple, or black, she hardly see the blues Krista often held.

She wished she could see the sky now, see only blue, not white or gray. She tucked the blanket closer to her body as she trudged between the firs.

Soon enough, her walking made her oblivious to everything, it all became white to her. Ymir dragged her weary body, her voice hoarse and dry from the winds and shouting for too long. She shivered, shuddered, and was eventually brought to her knees in the snow that had built up. She laid there, eyes facing her hand.

_'Is this how I'll die?'_

Maybe.

Most likely.

Yes.

Definitely-

"Think I found'er, Pa!" Came a chip voice over the howling.

Pa?

"Get'er up!"

Ymir felt her body being picked up, shoulders flung over two others. Her feet trudged themselves in white like the blades of a plow driven by a horse. She didn't open her eyes as she was too tired. The cold numbed everything and her mind slipped away.

-...-

Warmth.

Cracks of a fire.

She caught the smell of some stew, rich and heavy in scent. She tested moving her limbs about, her hand going up to the covers of a blanket that was thrown on her. She flickered her eyes open like a candle's small flame and found herself laying down, she was looking up at the head of a deer mounted on a wall. She shirked back into her pillow as she learned how to breathe again.

"Hold on there, easy," a woman told her.

Ymir whipped her head around to see a pair of light brown eyes that mimicked a wheat field. They were so full of life, bright and fresh, a playfulness in those nice eyes. Around them, brown fringes nearly circled her frame like cloth. Her face, pale and perfect, was warm and welcoming.

"Pa and I heard ya shoutin', yer crazy fer goin' out in a near storm," Sasha said, frowning; she was sitting by her. "Ya good to sit up?"

Ymir brought her arms back and achingly brought herself up. "Y...yeah, I'm good. Thanks though...had you seen anyone?"

"Anyone? Were ya with someone?"

"Yeah, someone close to me," Ymir worded herself carefully,"this blond woman, short with her hair long. Blue eyes."

She shook her head. "Nah, we didn't find anyone but you."

"I need to find her, she's really sick and if she's out for too long in this weather she'll die!" Ymir's urgency rose as she found new strength and threw her legs over the edge. "I need to find her! Need to-"

"No one's gonna wander out there," she said firmly, putting a hand to Ymir's knee and earning a glare in turn,"you'd have to be damn near retarded to do that."

Ymir nearly snarled.

"Sorry," she said quickly, withdrawing her hand.

It grew silent between them- Sasha was persistent in keeping her here and, as a guest, she had no choice but to follow her word. Ymir laid back and sighed, closing her eyes; waiting the storm out as her best bet but her mind continued to reel back to Krista, wondering where she had gone, what had become of her, if she were still alive and well.

-...-

_"Hold it there," Krista said, adjusting the focus._

_"Really? We've been at it for two hours, does your camera even hold that much memory?"_

_Krista merely laughed, then stilled herself with great practice, snapping a few shots before putting her camera down. "Alright, you could move."_

_Ymir sighed and relaxed from her pose. They had spent the hours of the morning taking pictures for the book's profile page, another novel to hit the shelves at the end of the month. It was in a field this time, Ymir was sitting under the tree, keeping a smug smile as she pretended to look like a hipster of an artist, as though her words held more power than anything._

_"So, Miss Author, have you planned to write your next book?" Krista asked as she sat beside her, she let her go through the pictures to see the shots taken, so far, they were shelf worthy. Ymir leaned against the tree and relaxed- who knew sitting could be so exhausting?_

_"I'll write it later," Ymir said jokingly._

_Krista rolled her eyes and shook her head, she then turned off the camera and looked over the forest of Los Angeles National Park- it was a quiet scenery with no people to recognize Ymir, a perfect, natural setting to hold a shoot._

_"Y'know...I wish we didn't have to take an hour just to go out and enjoy nature," Krista said dreamily,"instead, we live in some dirty city."_

_"It would be rather nice," Ymir agreed. She took a deep breath- even as far as out here, she could taste gasoline upon her tongue. "I used to come up here when I was a kid. Only place where fantasy could ever come to me."_

_They stayed there for a few hours- the sun was hot and beating upon the ground but keeping to the shade kept them cool.  
><em>

_"Say, how's your draft going?" Ymir inquired._

_"Oh, it's coming along really...difficult," she sighed, she seemed discouraged,"I just can't flesh out the story well."_

_Ymir raised a brow. "What's difficult about it?"_

_"Just having to rewrite it over and over."_

_She placed an assuring hand on her shoulder. "It'll come to you, just don't force it."_

_"...I'll write it later," Krista echoed, Ymir chuckled and rubbed her shoulder, at this, Krista giggled._

-...-

Sasha shook her shoulder. "Hey, can ya wake up?"

Ymir groaned and opened her eyes. She grumbled and slowly sat up, asking,"What?"

"Storm's all gone, you can get up and go if you want," Sasha announced,"or do ya need a ride somewhere? I can give ya a lift anywhere."

"My place," Ymir demanded as she was given her dried clothes, she got up and placed them on properly. Sasha got up as well and began to walk to the front door in the main hall of the cabin. Ymir followed her closely, her arms bunching together to fight against the frost. Once outside, she found the ground covered in snow, at least a foot or so- Sasha had evidently spent Ymir's time asleep by shoveling to a beat up pick-up and digging it out.

She clambered in, Sasha to her left, as the engine roared to life and rattled the frame.

"She's an old girl but she'll do the job," Sasha said proudly.

They took a trail in a cleared off path between the trees, the snow seemed to have stopped for the time. They drove on until they reached a pavement that stretched into the small town of Trost, the closest civilization. Going on and on, passing the buildings that weren't built so tall and the warehouses that held workshops. By the looks of things, the sun had set and it had become dark, few cars were out at all though a dozen or so were parked outside a singular structure.

"Ya hungry?" Sasha asked. "I'm starvin'-"

"No, I'd really like to get home," Ymir said.

"C'mon, I'll pay for ya," she insisted.

Without arguing any further, Sasha parked herself by a few other trucks.

They got out to be greeted by a short man wearing a parka, he was smoking a cigarette though he doused it instantly. Sasha greeted him happily,"Hey there, Connie, how's yer farm?"

"Could be better, damn snow froze the hell out of the pipes," Connie said, slightly peeved,"headed up here to just take a breather."

"This is Connie, lives on a reservation not so far from here," Sasha said.

"Reservation?" Ymir asked.

"Yeah...ya live here and ya didn't know?" Sasha asked, confused, then she shrugged,"not really well known. Not really a reservation at this point with how few of 'em there are left nowadays. Too American, Connie's more American, everyone's American."

They all walked inside to be greeted by the warmth, laughter, songs, and smoke inside the bar. She followed them to a table, from there, they were on the far end- Sasha ordered for them and they waited. On the other side, a man with a two toned hair was setting up his acoustic guitar, along with a freckled man- she stared at them, this place was one of those towns where everyone knew one another.

The place had a rustic feel, almost built like a cabin with all these photos hanging off the wall of various residents catching the biggest games. Along the walls were deer heads, neon signs, and various roadwork signs- it was a redneck bar.

"That's Jean'n'Marco," Sasha said when she caught Ymir looking at them. "They're a couple of ranch hands off the Ackerman Ranch, good guys and singers."

"He's been singing about Mikasa for a whole week," Connie chuckled as their food was given to them, along with a few beers.

"That's all he sings about," came a voice, it was a tall blond man, muscular and heavily built. He was sitting at a table nearby with another man whose hair was black as night. "Poor guy, girl rejected him a third time this month."

"I think it's admirable," said his companion.

"Ya'll, this is- huh, damn, ne'er got yer name," Sasha said, laughing.

"Ymir," Ymir said curtly, she didn't like the blond man for some reason.

"Yeah, Ymir! Found her wanderin' 'round the woods, says she's lookin' fer someone."

"W-wait, Ymir?" The black haired man said. "Ymir, the author, right?"

Ymir closed her eyes and took a deep breath- she hated fans. "The one and only."

"I'm Bertolt, and this is Reiner," Bertolt introduced them,"are you here for vacation?"

"No, I'm living here now," Ymir said.

"Wow...someone famous in our town..."

"Anyway...I'm looking for someone, she's blond, short, blue eyes, her name is Krista. She's...really sick, if you find her, it would be much appreciated," Ymir relayed to all of them, they kept quiet but the look in their eyes was a solemn reply. "I...I was driving her, trying to get to the clinic, we ended up spinning off a cliff and when I came to, she was gone."

"You ought to tell the rangers," Reiner suggested,"they can track anyone and anything down. Sasha too."

Sasha shook her head. "Thing is, I only found Ymir, no one else, Pa radioed earlier but he couldn't catch a signal. Come t'think of it, any of 'em here?"

"Yeah, at the bar," Reiner said, pointing his beer towards the bar.

Ymir turned her head.

Sitting were three people in a row. They wore heavy, leather jackets with a pair of wings on them, one silver and one blue. Immediately, Ymir got up and went over to them, one turned around to reveal she was wearing glasses but was drunk as hell- she staggered out of her seat as short man shook his head and drank a shot, muttering,"Dumb ass," under his breath.

"Hey, you guys," Ymir chirped up, garnering the blond man's attention. "You guys are rangers?"

One of them turned in his chair, he looked fatherly looking but his brows...dear lord they looked like a pair of bushes, Ymir tried not to snicker at them. "Yes, ma'am. What can we help you with?"

"My wife has gone missing."

"Wife? Thought that homo shit was banned," uttered the sour man, Ymir glowered.

"How about we step outside for a bit?" The man offered, for her sake. With his consideration, Ymir warmed up to him and followed him out. They stood out in the cold under a flickering light from the wall. "Now...a missing person, sure, we can find her. I'm Erwin Smith, I apologize about the rudeness of Levi in there- that other woman is Hanji. As a tip...this place, it's a very Christian town, when you're looking for your, um, wife, please refrain from calling her that. They don't take too kindly to that around here."

Ymir grimaced, no matter where they went, it felt like they wouldn't be appreciated for what they were- it was best for them to purchase land so far from the town itself. "Thanks for the advice," she said bitterly,"but...my wife. She's gone missing."

"Since when?"

"I...don't know," Ymir recalled,"it's been a while, I mean...one day it was August, now it's somewhere in winter, but it felt like it's been a week to me."

He stared at her, then reached out to her, she tried to shy away but he lifted her bangs a bit on her left. "Got your head wrapped in bandages, looks like you hit your head pretty bad."

She went to touch the wrappings. "Damn..."

"Well...what does she look like?"

"Her name is Krista, short, blond, blue eyes, she was wearing a dress to sleep in, it was white," Ymir tried to recollect, Erwin was writing it down in a notepad. "We crashed off the side of a mountain, we lived South of here."

"Down near the reservation?" He asked with a frown. "That might be out of our jurisdiction. How'd you even get land out there?"

"I didn't know there was a reservation there," Ymir said in disbelief,"it was just up for sale and I bought it."

His pen stopped for a moment, then he went on. He ripped off a piece and handed it to her; scrawled on it was his number and in turn, she wrote hers down.

"We'll contact those folks down there, have a search party up as soon as possible," he assured her, he led her back into the bar,"here's where to reach us, we'll contact you when we have news."

Ymir went to sit down at the table, Sasha had eaten what looked like three courses so far and was starting on her next. She rubbed her eyes- out of their jurisdiction, bullshit, the man must have been a lazy fuck. Ymir sighed and held her head for a moment, thinking- if they weren't going to take action, she may do so herself.

"Well?" Sasha asked, expectantly.

"He said he'd have to contact the reservation's rangers," she said, disgusted,"says he can't do shit until he gets confirmation or whatever."

"Reservation?" Connie asked. "They'll let him do anything there, there's like...what? Two people in the station? They let any operation go on as long as it's not destructive or they go in the wrong areas. I'm sure you'll find Krista."

"Damn well hope he does...regardless, I own property near there, I can do what I damn well want," Ymir snorted,"I'll find her."

They each nodded.

"I'm tied up at home, but if I find anything, I'll let Sasha know," Connie said as he excused himself,"gotta go back, see you all later."

"Later, Connie."

"Bye, Connie."

"See ya."

Once he was gone, Ymir fidgeted in her seat a bit.

She wanted to search now but the night had settled in too well.

Sasha seemed to notice her moving about in her seat, she assured her,"Hey, I'll take ya home, then first thing in the mornin', we'll get out and search 'round. Ya bumped yer head too hard so you gotta take it easy."

Ymir felt her bandages. "You did this, right?"

"Nah, Pa did it, he's a vet."

"Send him my thanks."

"Well, let's get goin' ourselves, ya ain't walkin' home, that's for damn sure."

-...-

They drove through the mountain pass, at the edge of where Ymir spun out, the broken railings served as testimony.

"Here's where I lost control," Ymir said as she watched through the window.

Sasha gave a slight disapproving grunt. "How ya made it alive outta that is a damn miracle."

"Not really a believer in that."

"Ya ain't Christian?"

"Um...no," she admitted.

"Why the hell is that?"

"Just not a big religious girl," she said conversationally.

Sasha shook her head. "Yer kinda outta place here."

Ymir snorted,"I'm beginning to notice. A city girl from California moves up here with a wi-...friend to be at peace in the great wilderness of Washington, instead, one gets sick and then everything goes downhill."

"Tell me, movin' out to the middle of nowhere...not a bad idea but yeah, yer outta place. I mean...just wonderin', Bert back there seemed t'know ya, ya any special?"

"I'm a writer."

"Writer, eh? What'd ya do?"

"Just some series. About a girl who runs away to an island in the Pacific Northwest, she tries to escape her past but it haunts her, just as the island does. She's there to face her sins and whatnot, just fate playing against someone, kinda like God, yeah?"

Sasha gave a curt nod. "I'd see why Bert loves that book- hey, that yer house?"

Ymir nodded, Sasha pulled into the driveway. "Thanks...and if it doesn't pain you, don't let anyone know who I am, writer and all, I'd like to keep the lowdown."

"No problem, catch ya 'round seven."

Without another word, Sasha drove away, her car's lights disappearing into the white.

Ymir shivered and went back inside her house- no, their house.

A picture hung in the hall of herself and Krista back down in San Diego for a honeymoon- it was bright and warm there, sunny and blue, like Krista's eyes. How much she would give to see those eyes and that smile, how much she would give. She worried at her lip as she leaned her back against the wall and sank down to the floor, head tucking into her knees.

"...fuck."


End file.
